Listen Up, Hollywood…

November 23, 2006

Happy Feet wasn’t as cute in its entirety as the commercial was on television.

A few ground rules, Hollywood, when making kids movies:

Don’t completely rip off an entire movie* that was last year’s biggest hit. Really. More than once I heard someone in our group say “Didn’t we see this before? It was more realistic though.”
Don’t make the parents of the lead character be mean to their offspring. It makes the little ones cry, and I didn’t pay $9.00 to make my son cry. I can do that at home for free.
Just remember a simple formula: fun music + nostalgia = happy parents. This was the only thing right about this movie; the music was boss.
Too much Robin Williams can be overkill. I figured out which voices he was for the three characters he voiced in short order. So did my four-year-old. Not good when a child can figure out he’s voicing three of your characters. I’m just sayin’.
Unless there is some relatives of momma and poppa penguin who were fluffy (which I doubt) it wasn’t necessary to make him look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from his parents. And everyone else. It was bad enough he “marched to a different tune” so to speak, so looking like no one else was kind of overkill.
Did you have to try and give him a bow tie in his fur? Who’s idea was that? Then, who’s idea was it to try and cover it up near the end of the movie. Was it some tie espionage or something? Or did someone notice that he STILL didn’t look like his species and was trying to make amends? Please, pretty please, explain that to me.
Oh….because he tap dances? Gotcha…. Nice touch….not.
The ending? Lame. We hope you didn’t add anything in during the credits because we bolted out of there just after the credits started rolling. So did everyone else, so I hope there was nothing important, or dare I say, funny.
Here’s a tip: You should really have five year olds and under screen test these types of movies. If, by chance, they say they are ready to leave 20 minutes into the movie, you need to rethink the story. My son asked to leave three times during the show. Not good Hollywood, not good.

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. You got your money. But don’t expect me to come running for Happy Feet 2: The Return of the Funk. Even if you got George Clinton to share his talented voice, I still wouldn’t go. Which is sad, ’cause I love me some P-Funk.

* Isn’t it cute that they only have the french title? I found that to be absolutely adorable.

If you don’t stop by tomorrow, have a Happy Thanksgiving. If you do stop by, I’ll see you tomorrow, in my stuffing-induced haze. With photos! Wheeee!

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It: