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And A Happy New Year

So…I’m home, and I brought the family back with me. Nice, eh?

Note To Georgia: Someone needs to slap the GDOT upside the head. Is it really necessary to have torn up I-95 all the way through the state? I just passed through your fine state both ways over the holiday, and I’m not looking forward to that trip ever again. Stop and go traffic doesn’t thrill me at all, and it thrills even less when people stop for NO REASON at all. Also, I don’t know what you guys are dredging up in the name of construction near the Brunswick area, but please STOP IT. Unless you want to remind people of the Newark area of I-95 in New Jersey, and I’m suspecting you don’t. Just a friendly suggestion from a weary traveler.

Anyway…

The Highlights of the CrazedMommy Holiday:

  • Mixing a quasi White Russian and drinking an entire bottle of Chardonnay all by yourself is a hangover in the making. And just in case you were curious, it’s a DOOZY.

  • It will rain on the way to North Carolina. So let it be written, so it was definitely done.
  • Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE being a passenger in a vehicle on a highway when it is raining? Oh, look, I just did…
  • Many people will go grocery shopping to feed a group of 17 people and it will still not be enough. There will be many trips, and something will inevitably be forgotten. Every. Time.
  • Spiff and Scamp will still bicker and fight with each other over absolutely nothing. Lucky for them, everyone will find this behavior adorable, except for their parents. They will want to leave them behind and make a break for it.
  • The fighting will continue in the car on the way home. The urge to leave them on the side of the road increases with every mile.
  • All of which will be negated by stopping at a fireworks establishment that makes The Hubby sign a waiver absolving the store of any negligence if any fireworks we purchase damage someone when we set them off. We can’t enter the store until he signs it, and we can’t purchase any fireworks without it. The Hubby got that glazed look in his eyes like he does when he sees boobs. Then we found out it was buy one, get one free. Then my eyes glazed over. New Year’s Eve is gonna be awesome!
  • 24 hours after you return home to a clean house, it will look like you haven’t cleaned for weeks.
  • Latkes rock. More importantly, My latkes rock. This year’s batch was especially yummy. I think I ate my weight in latkes this year.
  • New cameras work better if you know what you are doing. Or read the manual completely.
  • Christmas Day + Monday Night + Football = Don’t tell me I have to listen to Christmas carols and can’t watch the game. It’s not my fault that Christmas fell on a Monday, but it is your fault if I miss the game. I might have to injure you, or spike your drink, or something.
  • Other people’s beds are not as comfortable as your bed. Especially if it is smaller than yours is.
  • If you are doing a Yankee Swap, drawing the number one is akin to being a kid in a candy store. You are guaranteed the best gift of them all. You are also going to piss someone off, but at least you get the best gift to make you feel better.

Pictures are on the way, and next week, I’ll be writing some of my famous letters about things that I want to talk about, but I have to be all cryptic. C’mon back, it’ll be fun.

Stay safe, party hard, and I’ll see you on the flip side, in 2007. Happy New Year, everyone!

Posted by Shash @ 6:50 am | 2 Comments   | December 31, 2006

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We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Coming out of hiding to wish ya’all a very Merry Christmas. I’ve been with family enjoying way too much food, wine, and then detoxing so I can do it all again.

Oh! I also have pictures. BUT! I forgot the disc at home so I can’t upload them until I return home. Which should be soon. Maybe. It’s nice here, they feed me, and there is plenty of booze. So it might be awhile. I’m just sayin’.

Love to all of you from The Hubby, Spiff, Scamp and me.

Posted by Shash @ 6:34 pm | 3 Comments   | December 25, 2006

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Passing Torches and Other Life Lessons

Today, as I was walking one of my students to the bus platform, I asked him why he made a fist at another student today. He said that he wanted the student to know he didn’t say what the student thought he had said. I told him it was never, ever appropriate to make a fist at another student, especially a student who a few minutes earlier he thought of as a friend.

His response?

“My dad makes a fist at me all the time. Shouldn’t he get in trouble?”

My response?

“Yes, he should.”

His reply?

“But he’s a grown up. He can’t get in trouble.”

My reply?

“A dad should never make a fist at his son. There should never, ever be a reason for it.”

And then I tried not to cry.

What a day.

Posted by Shash @ 9:24 pm | 3 Comments   | December 13, 2006

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Better Than Egg Nog!!!

Look what I found today!!!!

Actually, I have to back up a bit. I love Miss Doxie, and if you haven’t checked out her site, you should. When I find a good site, I like to read the bio of the person, and hers says something to the effect of:

I have a very cute boyfriend named El Dukay. Dukay is funny and strong and extremely tall. He is also younger than I am, which means that he is always telling people that he is my boy toy. On New Year’s Eve 2006, Dukay and I will have been dating for four years. Sometimes I want to stab him in the eyes, but I love the spit out of him anyway. Also, I have to keep him around, because he is the only one who knows how to make the chocolate martinis turn out correctly. That is enough for me.

And I was intrigued. Chocolate martinis? There is such a thing? I mean, I do like my Pomegranate Martinis, but chocolate? and vodka? Sign me up for that!

So I went on a quest. The quest was long because this was the first recipe I came across:

Godiva Chocolate Martini
1 1/2 shots Godiva chocolate liqueur
1 1/2 shots creme de cacao
1/2 shot vodka
2 1/2 shots half and half

Until now, I had no idea how difficult it was to find Godiva chocolate liqueur. All of the liquor stores we’re out, but my favorite (because it has a DRIVE THRU!!!!) has this. And folks? This is wonderful. Miss Doxie totally has the right idea. I’m on my third one right now, and this is definitely a wonderful way to spend an evening.

One caveat. USE GOOD VODKA. Like this one, this one, this one, or this one; just to name a few. For one batch I used Gordon’s Vodka, and while I’m sure it makes a great screwdriver, it wasn’t so great for a chocolate martini. Think smooooth.

Here’s mud in your eye! (Who came up with that and what the heck does it mean anyway?)

Posted by Shash @ 11:57 pm | 1 Comment   | December 6, 2006

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I Guess He Really IS Sick

Scamp has been home for three days from school with bronchitis, which means that I, too, get to stay home with him while he convalesces. The days have been filled with old-man coughing, many temper tantrums, fevers that pop up out of nowhere, and copious amounts of Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but since he was feeling a wee bit better (read: no fever for more than 2 hours) I decided that we should go for haircuts. I might have mentioned before my son’s aversion to getting his haircut, and how I’m fairly certain many hairdressers in my city have multi-million dollar houses due to the payoff money we have to give them just to cut my son’s hair.

So I didn’t have high hopes for today. Armed with only a GameBoy with a Kirby game in it, and the promise of renting a game for the Playstation if he got his hair cut; we went into Fantastic Sams.

Have I mentioned just how FANTASTIC they are? Well, read on…

I’m in the process of getting my hair cut. Scamp is sitting in the waiting area with his GameBoy, and I ask, “So, are you ready to get your hair cut?” and to my surprise he says yes. A very nice lady takes him to her chair, and I’m quietly warning her that “I’m not done yet, so I’m not sure how this is going to go..” and quietly checking my insurance to see if natural disasters at a hair salon by my son are covered (they’re not).

So, my son, who has to be put into a headlock previously to get his hair cut, sits calmly down in her chair and ALLOWS her to put the cover thing on, and proceeds to sit quietly while she does her thing.

I sat, three chairs down, speechless. Then, for posterity, and so that I could remind myself later on that THIS ACTUALLY DID HAPPEN, I took photos with my cameraphone:


Now I have witnesses. I was shocked I actually got to WATCH this go down instead of being in the middle of it.

He must REALLY be sick. Either way, I’m psyched, he’s psyched, and he has told me all day how cool his haircut is. It’s even cooler than mine, he says.

I definitely have to agree with him, although I’m pretty pleased with my haircut too.

Posted by Shash @ 11:34 pm | 1 Comment   |

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Games People Play

or, file this under stuff I wish I had written:

In the season of Playstation 3′s and Nintendo Wii’s, one can harken back to a simpler time, a time when you had to imagine what was going on in your game, when text commands were the only way you navigated to get where you needed to go. No silly controllers, no jumping around. No graphics either, unless you count the text-y graphics in the beginning of the game, which we won’t if that’s okay. It definitely didn’t run every electronic in your home; but sadly, it did cost as much to own as the new game systems do today, by yesterday’s standards.

It was called the computer, and these text games ruled. I remember living in a house with four (4)* Navy guys, and we’d fight at midnight who would get on the computer to play our “turns”. When it was a competing game, it could get bloody. I’m sure those guys still have scars, because not much stood between me and my “turn”.

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now, this brings me to the reason for this post. Thanks to Dooce and her daily links, I found this site (and this post). When I laughed until I cried, I did more investigating. First I stumbled upon this, which as a gamer, I really enjoyed.

But then….

I found this, and I had a flashback of a simpler time and place, but filled with beer cans, take-out containers, and toilets with the seats up. Not so happy.

BUT! Once I started reading, I found it was brilliant. And funny. And then I was happy.

Then I got jealous because I found it to be a brilliant piece of work. I hope you enjoy it too.

I present to you, in a happy-jealous sort-of way, a work by the brilliant Defective Yeti:

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure
Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office

You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

KEEP READING!


*Nope, not a typo. There were four of them. With only two bathrooms. Ugh.

Posted by Shash @ 4:52 am | 3 Comments   | December 5, 2006

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One Year Ago Today: A Blogoversary

I began blogging so The Hubby could keep up with what was going on back here at home while he went on a business trip to India. We weren’t sure if he would be able to call me, but he ended up calling every single day. He’s not such a world traveler these days, but he still calls me every day when he is on the road.

Like, say, this week. Nice to see although time changes, things can stay the same.

By doing this, I have met so many great people I would have never known.

Thank you for reading.

Posted by Shash @ 3:43 am | 1 Comment   | December 4, 2006

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