My Child Is Not To Be Feared
January 23, 2007
Okay, so I’m sure that many of you know the sad situation in Sudbury, Massachusetts at Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School. A 16 year-old student who has Asperger’s Syndrome and other psychological issues stabbed to death in a school bathroom a 15 year-old student.
This is incredibly tragic. My heart goes out to both families because, well, as a parent of a child with Asperger’s, I am by default stuck in the middle.
But don’t mistake anything, I’m also fighting mad too.
The media is already locking on the fact that the accused has Asperger’s Syndrome and has been on medication for many emotional issues, and need they say more? ; case closed.
Apparently even the Scientologists are getting in on the action too. (Um, guys? Glass Houses; stones. I saw the 48 Hours episode about you and your “methods”, and I’m not at all impressed.)
I can’t begin to tell you how this has affected me. As soon as I read the news, I thought; Great, now all the parents of kids who were in my son’s classes at some point will read this and think back to the time my son was in their child’s class and wonder if my child could have been capable of such a thing. And then they will panic, and go off and speak to administrators to have any child who is mainstreamed with Asperger’s (or other disabilities) removed from the classroom.
All because of this tragic event.
There will be no research, no discussions, just “put them all where they can’t hurt anyone else ever again”. ( I really hope this isn’t the case.)
For the record, my son, who takes several different medications so he can function up to “societal standards”, is not capable of something like this. Simply put, Asperger’s didn’t cause this reaction in this child. Something else did. They need to find out what that thing was.
Yes, Asperger’s makes social situations difficult, but that is only because society makes it difficult; the pressure to constantly be “on”. This situation is not the norm, and the media (or the child’s lawyer) shouldn’t perpetrate the perception that it is. Asperger’s is not an excuse for this act; it cannot be. The reality is that children who have Asperger’s are usually the victim of this type of crime, not the perpetrator. Somehow even mentioning that terrible fact doesn’t make me feel better. No one seems to win in this situation, do they?
I have read about this event to discover that students have mentioned that the perpetrator dressed in a trench coat; similar to the student(s) from Columbine High who shot and killed several of their fellow classmates. They also mention that he spoke of weapons, and killing people. All this, and yet not a single one of them discussed what this child said with a teacher, a parent, or an administrator until after the fact. That scares the hell out of me.
Has the horror of Columbine been so dulled over time that we have forgotten to teach our kids to speak up when they see or hear something that is of concern? Whether this child has AS or not, this behavior deserved reporting to an adult. Once that occurred, the staff that works with him and the administration of the school should have had a meeting to address the allegations and called the parents in to discuss it. A solution could have been reached that might have avoided this tragic event.
This could be armchair quarterbacked all day. But that’s not the thing to do right now.
Right now I need to remind everyone that Asperger’s Syndrome is not the cause of this tragedy.
People who have Asperger’s should not be feared in the mainstream; they should be celebrated because it takes them twice as long to get there as the neurotypical counterparts. They work so hard to be a part of society and play by the rules that their efforts should be applauded. Many people have Asperger’s have gone on to do great things, and changed the world for the better.
So please, when you look at this horrible incident, fear the crime itself and take into account the Asperger’s, but then do some research and understand that it wasn’t the cause. Then, using this tragedy, let’s all work together to make our schools a safe place for all who attend. That is what should happen; what needs to happen.
For my son. For your daughter. For all of us.
January 25th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Amen!
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January 26th, 2007 at 2:44 am
Nicely put.
I have so many feelings about this whole thing. What a tragedy – in many ways.
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January 26th, 2007 at 6:19 am
If we started fearing every group of people that had a member who’d killed someone else, the only way to “keep kids safe” would be to isolate each individual. After all, blacks, whites, girls, boys, deaf people, blind people, tall people, short people, blondes, redheads: every one of those groups has some member that has murdered someone else. Focusing on any of them is a symptom of a truly serious disorder: utter idiocy.
Oh, and in case you didn’t note this, the school had no metal detectors in place. The parents were sure their kids would never be involved in violence, and they wanted to keep the schools “normal”.
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January 27th, 2007 at 1:10 am
I would suspect that Asperger’s has something to with it. Because, what do want to bet, just like Columbine, this boy had been tortured… I wonder if it will come out that he took a knife to school to protect himself from bullying and teasing because he was different.
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