Sometimes Being Proactive is More Reactive
August 14, 2007
So today was spent doing the last part of out Evaluation Trifecta ™ for Scamp. Earlier this summer, we went to Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children and Women to have Scamp evaluated to see if he would qualify for services like Speech, Occupational Therapy, or Physical Therapy; either there at Arnold Palmer or in the school. I was hoping for in the school, because that is where I feel many kids would truly benefit from services, in a real time setting and usually with peers. I was really gunning for this. Probably more so that I should have.
I have to be honest; I’m petrified for Scamp this school year. This will be the first year he is in a mainstream classroom, where there is just a Teacher, and an occasional Teaching Assistant in the room. Scamp has had two years of a Teacher AND a Teaching Assistant working with him, and the ones he has been with knew him so well that they could direct and redirect him like a traffic cop does in rush hour traffic. It was a sight to behold. So knowing that in most cases it took two people working with Scamp to see results on a more normal scale, I worry that his new teacher will not know what to do with him, and either ride him way too hard and break his spirit (which is so gentle) or give up on him and let him flounder around until she can advance him just to get him out of her hair.
(That last sentence was from personal experience having to do with his older brother. Trust me, it happens. More than it should.)
There. I said it.
But today? Today Scamp performed beautifully. Granted, when I say beautifully I mean he did exactly what I expected him to do; answer some questions and not do well on others. You know, just enough right answers to center him in the really gray area; the one where the tester has to think about what she’s going to put in her report.* The kind where you almost want him to screw up, just so it’s easier to get the services and we can just move on.
The kind where I start to second guess all this stuff I’m doing and wonder if I’m trying to see something that just isn’t there, at least in Scamp.
I’m sure most of this will shake out as he spends time in class, learning and growing with his classmates. I look forward to that and all that comes with it. I guess I just want to protect him, and I need to let him spread his wings and fly.
I suppose I’m battle-weary. A little shell shocked, if you will. I’ve been fighting battles for Spiff that were worth fighting for so long that I fell like I have to keep going; to keep being vigilant for his younger brother that may need it. Or he may not. But this fighting mode, it’s hard to step out of. It’s hard to let go.
Statistics tell me I have to keep fighting, that I should keep fighting. Statistics tell me that younger siblings have issues on the spectrum too. I also know from past experience it is much easier to keep an IEP than it is to start again from scratch.
I KNOW all this, but right now? What I don’t know is if Scamp NEEDS all this.
I don’t know if, ultimately, I’m doing the right thing for Scamp. And for me, someone who prides herself on knowing all the facts and figures, all the ins and outs, this is humbling. This is scary.
I guess this is what my mother meant about what it means to be a parent.
*She’s going to call me once she decides what she is going to recommend. I’m really not looking forward to this call, because I think I know what she is going to tell me, and even though I NEED to hear it, I don’t know if I WANT to hear it. Basically, I think I know what she is going to say, and it isn’t going to be he qualifies for services. Bah.
August 15th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I hope all goes well with the report. I went back and read the posts on Spiff and hope it goes a little easier with Scamp
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