Boys and Their Toys
January 22, 2008
Julie of Mothergoosemouse (and various other places) is getting ready to add to her family, a beautiful baby boy, and in her honor I would like to take a moment to share with her (and you, because you? are AWESOME too) why I have two boys, and not three.
Or four for that matter, because that sense of humor that God has? I’m well acquainted with it.
- Boys are color blind when they are young. This is the only excuse I have as to how my teenager can walk out of the house wearing a blue-red T-Shirt with orange shorts and call it fashionable.
- Newborn boys WILL pee on you. It’s part of some sort of newborn hazing ritual. Scamp peed so much right after he was born while he was on the warming table that a nurse mistook him for a fountain. It was hilarious.
- Boys will, at some point, try on mommy’s shoes. As I type this, Scamp is moseying around my house wearing my Uggs. He’s also been seen wearing my flats and kitten heels. Take pictures. It’s just as cute (and funny!) for boys as it is for little girls. And oh! the embarrassment you’ll cause later? Priceless.
- A boy’s idea of cleaning consists for shoving everything either in a closet or under the bed. Or in a drawer. Or in their brother’s room.
- I recommend that you put a large piece of plastic underneath their chair where they eat meals in your home. Continue this trend even after they outgrow the highchair. You may want to just keep it there until they leave home. Or buy a dog.
- The penis? For some odd reason, even though Daddy is much better equipped to handle all things penis, you’ll get asked the questions. A lot. Start reading up, but even that won’t be enough. I just start speaking in another language and shake my head. This worked well until he took Spanish in Middle School. Now I’m studying Japanese. Wish me luck.
- You will have to know how to put together all of the Transformers, the LEGOs, and the Hot Wheels tracks. Expertly. I have no other tips for you except have band-aids handy. and a stiff drink.
- You will have to pick up the pieces of their broken heart when some evil girl smashes it to smithereens. You will also have to fight the mad urge to go kill said girl; but see, I just warned you. My work here is done.
- You will become an expert in detecting whether or not they have showered by how the towel is hung up in the bathroom. In our house, it is lovingly bunched on the floor, sopping wet.
- You will find humor in bodily functions, and farts become a running joke. Burping becomes a second language, and a quest to create the loudest, most resonant underarm fart is yours to be had. Embrace it, revel in it, because honestly? Girls don’t do any of this.
Not without lots of alcohol, anyway.
Boys are wonderful, and messy, and perfect. Congratulations Julie!! Mazel Tov!
Love,
CrazedMommy and her Clan*
*where she is outnumbered 3 to 1 by the male species.
Posted by Shash @ 1:15 am
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 am
Thank you! The stiff drinks will most definitely be revived as soon as I deliver (pump and dump, right?).
Wise and encouraging words – much appreciated!
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January 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
My son LOVES my shoes… much to the chagrin of his father!! So funny…
How are your New Year’s Resolutions coming?
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January 22nd, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Yes. Brownie Scouts color nicely and quietly. Cub Scouts perfect arm farts competitively and loudly. Boys will be boys.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 am
Competitive farting? That’s my boy! I found him watching YouTube the other day: a video of SpongeBob with fart noises added in. Um, okay.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I wrote in November about the discussion my daughter had with my husband about how girls “fart” but boys “toot”. He is 6’2″ and she barely 3′. All things related to bodily functions and bathrooms are funny to her, even though she is most definitely not a boy. (I hope my link works. Forgive me if there is a bunch of code, won’t you?)
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