Physical Education = Mommy Stress
October 20, 2008
For Spiff, this is the last year of Middle School. We have just finished the first nine weeks, and I am already thinking of next year; his Freshman year of High School.
The last four years before his services dwindle to nothing. The time where he will be on his own.
It scares the shit out of me. It keeps me awake at night. It makes me spend the morning of my day off from work running back and forth from school to school trying to get answers to an issue I had thought should have been a non-issue. Something that we (my son and I) did to help him, to make his High School experience easier. Something that gave us hope.
Something that the school might not accept so that he has to go to the locker room anyway.
This summer, Spiff took an online class for Physical Education. It is through a program that the public schools recognize, and that students in public schools can use to “get a leg up” in their academic careers. We chose to do this for one reason and one reason only:
Spiff has no business being in a high-school gym locker room. And not for the reason you think.
Yeah, I’m sure the bullying factor is what you are thinking. And yes, I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t a small part of my reasoning. But that is what it is, a small part. There is an even bigger part that scares me even more. It’s the part that a locker room is nothing but an unstructured transition, complete with loud noises and banging of locker doors. And the yelling! Oy, it’s enough to make me wince, and I do not have the same sound sensitivities as my son.
It’s a meltdown waiting to happen, on a daily basis. Those of you with autistic children know what I mean. Those of you who don’t; my son is the child you see in public who covers his ears in the movie theater. He’s the one that looks at fire alarms and your hand near it, hoping you don’t accidentally set it off. Loud noises stress him out. His reactions stress me out.
Not to mention, a locker room requires you to self-regulate. It requires you to, on your own, undress, put your school clothes away, lock your locker, go to class, come back, undress, clean yourself up, get dressed, lock your locker, remember your books, head to your next class.
My son can’t handle all of that in the time allotted. Not with all that noise going on. Not unless I’m standing over him like I do, each morning, making sure all that and more gets done before we head out the door each morning. It’s not possible for me to go to his gym class every day. So what’s a momma to do?
Find other ways for him to fit in. Find other ways for him to succeed. This is one of them.
My county is hopefully going to work with us. They have been AMAZING the past few years, and we have been blessed with people who genuinely care about my son and his future. People who worked with him years ago still stop me in the halls and inquire about how he is doing now; how proud of him they are. He’s a standard bearer for other mainstreamed autistic students in our county.
He’s got 4 and a half more years. Let’s hope they are successful ones.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:11 am
Your son may never fully understand what an advocate you are for him. I know that as a parent you’ll give blood, sweat and tears for them but it’s even harder than that when the needs are this high. I hope that all his needs continue to be met by the school system and that you can just be mom.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I hope that you, the school, the county and eventually the country can make this an opportunity for kids. Wow, I would never think that this would be such a hurdle because I’ve never dealt with it.
Just think, kids that have mental disabilities once were not allowed to attend school… we are an ever evolving country. Your situation will become a norm for the country even if it is for Spiff’s kids…
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October 28th, 2008 at 2:57 am
I hope they work with you guys! If he is taking an alternative class it should be fine. As someone who is a teacher, whose boyfriend teaches PE, and who used to work as a behavioral therapist with autistic children I could definitely see your concern here. A couple of children in my bf’s PE class have an aide to assist them in the locker room I’m not positive if that is an option. Either way it is important that the school recognizes that while he is capable of a lot this situation could be a bad idea. You might need to consider making him exempt for PE either through his IEP or a 504. He would have to take alternative classes to make up the credits elective units like art, journalism, something that would benefit him rather than traumatize him. Hope it all works out!
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October 28th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
There is no love or dedication more enduring then a mothers love and determination to give her child the most she can.
Blessings and strength as you make this journey. No one understands unless they’ve walked in your shoes so thanks for sharing so we can understand more of what you may have to do in the future for your family.
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
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